Before we begin, let us look at the definition of Happiness. Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. The key words being ‘mental or emotional state’ – meaning that Happiness is a state of mind. Research has proven that while most people seek happiness, % of people who are truly happy is in dismal minority. Why? What makes it so difficult for people to be happy?
Let us examine the world that we are living in (in the interest of space, limiting to just 2 key points):
· We live in a world of negativity. We start our mornings with Newspaper headlines that sensationalize what has gone wrong yesterday; TV is filled with things that are wrong with the society and system; debates and discussions are about what’s not well with the country, society, people; even in organizational discussions, focus is more on weaknesses than on strengths. We are surrounded by negativity all the time.
· When we ask people ‘What would make you happy’, the answer is always tied to a goal/objective. If I achieve so and so, I’ll be happy. Once we achieve the goal, we have another goal that need to be achieved, to be happy. Happiness is always in the future state.
What we do not understand is that the very purpose of our existence is to seek happiness. Human system is designed to be happy. Humans are equipped with two powerful tools to be happy – Forgetfulness and Neo-frontal cortex of the brain. Forgetfulness is to overcome the misery in our lives. When we are faced with loss or misery, forgetfulness enables us to overcome it and revert back to normal state. On another hand, Humans are only species that are equipped with neo-frontal cortex. We are the only species gifted with the ability to visualize a future, to experience/live a situation through our mind. No other species can do it. They all can live only in the present. This is a great gift for Humans to see a better future, and rekindle hope. However, we use forgetfulness to forget most things that are good in our life and remember the negative things; and similarly we use neo-frontal cortex to visualize fear, thinking about the future – fear of failure, fear of rejection; that leads to inaction or tension. Humans deal with higher challenges/obstacles (& worries) in their mind than what they face in reality.
So, what can we do to be happier? Here are few ways to structure our life to be happier.
· Pleasure – All of us seek pleasures but we seek what we do not have instead of enjoying what we already have. Most of us tie pleasures to money. Yes. Money does give pleasures but beyond a certain level, more money does not matter. If we all rewind to the happiest days in our lives, most of us go back to our college days. We definitely did not have enough money in our pockets during those days yet we all were very happy. Pleasure is more about savoring what we already have. We can derive significant pleasure in simple activities that we engage in – drinking coffee, engaging in a conversation with spouse/friend; watching sun rise, seeing a child smile, smiling to a colleague. But it is important to be in the moment. Live in the moment and savor it. Also, it is important to note that while pleasure gives happiness, it is not sustainable. It remains with us for a short period of time.
· Engagement – It is important to structure our life to be more engaging. Living in the flow is all about engaging in activities that challenge us, that capture our utmost attention where we lose sense of time and environment around us. We all would have involved in activities in the past where we lost track of time. We feel very happy when we are engaged in such activities. These activities involve our core strengths. As we discussed in earlier blogs, when we engage our core strengths, we feel great sense of engagement, enjoyment and hence tend to be very successful. First, focus on identifying your core strengths. It is ironical that we focus a great deal of time and energy on our weaknesses than our strengths (and infact, more people are oblivious of their strengths). Spend time to gain a good understanding of your strengths and then slowly structure your life to move towards those activities/roles that leverage your strength. This would increase the level of engagement and you’ll wake up looking forward to the day. You will be happier.
· Purpose – Research has proven that being of service to others gives more happiness that is sustainable than focusing on ourselves. Most people misinterpret this to be charity. More than charity, it is about how we can be of service to others and make a difference to the lives of the people – this would link to the purpose of our life. This is not about leaving your job and joining an NGO (if that thought excites you, you probably should) but it is more about how you can leverage your core strengths to service/help other people. This could be helping your colleague who is struggling; mentoring a junior in office; helping your neighbor come up with a brilliant presentation for his office work or any other work that excites you. These should be activities that leverage your strengths (and therefore obviously excite you) and that you help others around you without any expectation of return. Such activities give more meaning to your life and hence lead to sustained level of happiness.
· Relationships – We derive more happiness when we are with others than being all alone. This is not through digital media but being in person with a group that we relate with. Hence, do spend quality time with family, friends, and parents. A short call to your friend with whom you have not spoken in months will make you feel better. Sitting down with parents and having a conversation about your childhood will make everyone feel better. These do not take time but such moments calm our mind and contribute to increasing our level of happiness.
While what I stated above is not rocket science, it does take disciplined approach to achieve them. It requires us to be more optimistic about our life and develop a positive mindset. We all live in the same world yet some people find this a beautiful planet while many others crib about the deficiencies in our lives. Reality that we see is through the lens that we have in our mind and through which we see the world. If we are able to change the lens in the mind, we would see a better world. To orient our mind to be more positive and recognize/acknowledge what we have (instead of what we do not have), I suggest that we do the following (for next 21 days – to make it a habit):
· Journal – Maintain a journal where you record everyday one positive thing that happened in your life in the last 24 hours. Initially, we may not be able to find too many moments but do not give up until you write atleast one thing that you are thankful for, that happened in the last 24 hours
· Gratitude – Everyday, identify atleast 3 people that you would like to send out a thank you note (or even better that you can thank them in person) for what they have done for you. Believe me; it would spread a great deal of positivity both in you and in the recipient.
· Meditation – Now, this sounds cliché but in today’s digital world, we are constantly distracted. Meditation does help us to regain focus and enables us to live in/savor the moment. For those of us who tried meditation and gave up, engage in an activity outside of work (painting, writing, reading, singing etc.) that you are passionate about and where you could lose sense of time. It helps to us to be more focused and be in the moment.
We can do lot of other things but if we do the above 3 activities, we gain more positivity in our life and that leads us to be in a happy state. Being engaged in meaningful activities (purpose) derives and sustains happiness. Pleasure is like icing on the cake that will amplify happiness. Happiness is not about what we do not have. Instead it is about leveraging (strengths) and engaging (pleasures) of what we already have. Then, why do we seek happiness elsewhere when we already have it?
Bharat, congratulations on yet another very well written article. You have captured some really wonderful points...the part about we focus a lot on the goal and miss experiencing the journey is key take away for me. About meditation, here's a relatively easy technique that I have adopted starting last week and finding it really good...I take three deep breath every time I walk back to my chair at work...also I use the time stuck in Blr traffic for deep breathing. This releases stress and is quite refreshing too!
ReplyDeleteThis article makes me want to share 2 principles that have helped me recently to begin being happy and is helping me to see things in newer light -
ReplyDelete1) Being Content leads to being at peace with self - I imagine myself in a smaller bubble of happiness where the focus of every day is to acknowledge the blessings received.
I need to be at peace with myself to really know what are most important aspects in my life and how are my actions defining their importance
2) Dismantling Expectations - Before even we move the smallest bone in our body to perform an action, we already have expectation grown out of proportion.
I had let a lot of expectations creep in without knowing, suddenly nothing was enough and then I realized nothing is ever going to be enough if I continued this way. I started to "Let Go" of few things, especially needs and desires not pertaining to my inner peace
Bottom line : travel light - one can travel far and happier :) !
An excellent blog post Bharat! My favorite till date. Maybe because it is on a topic so close to my heart.
ReplyDeleteIt reminded me of my favorite quote on happiness by John Lennon:
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."